An Update On AdWords

Yesterday I was looking over the results of the “To My Wife” ad I placed on AdWords to try and get an idea how many people had read the story and I noticed the numbers were pretty high: 962 impressions and 24 clicks. Wow, I thought, a bunch of people must have found that little story interesting. Or maybe I have more relatives than I thought.

After looking over the stats this morning though I see that the story was only read 95 times. Hmmm… strange. Those numbers don’t reconcile. And then I looked over the search term report with dawning realization that my ad, which was meant to be triggered by a vary specific set of keywords was, in fact, being triggered by all sorts of interesting things. Among them:

• what to write in my wifes bday card
• short message of birthday to my girlfriend
• letter to my wife
• how to excite your wife

And my favorite:

• how to make your wife happy

You see that ladies. This person, whoever he is, is completely at his wits end and has gone so far as to ask a search engine for the answer to a question that man has been struggling with since the dawn of civilization. Google cannot help you my friend.

On the other hand if you ask Google “how to make your husband happy” it will reply simply: Give him the remote.

Now about “the picture”: To those that read the message to my wife yesterday and weren’t prepared for the shocking picture of me that accompanied it, let me just apologize right now for any loss of appetite/sleep, internal bleeding or blindness. Oh and that’s not the original picture, it’s been altered (if it was a document about our president’s National Guard service you would’ve known that by now). The rose was added in Photoshop. Now you have to look even closer to see if you can tell. I suggest protective eyewear.